Hypothetically Speaking
by Infinite Vibrance
Summary: An interesting breakfast conversation with a twist. Sladin. M just to be safe.


I'm finally entering the Sladin community after many months of reading other amazing Sladin fics! c: I wanted to write a multi-chaptered Sladin of my own but I'm still trying to gather ideas and work with the characters... so for now I'll just upload this oneshot I had posted on DA but never here (: I hope you all enjoy it!

**Warning: M for dirty, dirty language and sexual teasing? ;o Is that the right term for it? OH WELL. M to be safe 8D. Also "Derek" is Red X. I don't know his real name so we'll just call him little Der Bear for now ;).**

**Disclaimer: Every time I write that God forsaken word a piece of me dies...**

Enjoy c:

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><p><strong>Hypothetically Speaking<strong>

Dick Grayson, your average college student that just happened to be the ward of the famous Bruce Wayne. Really, what's not normal about being in the care of a billionaire? However, the kitchen he was sitting in this morning wasn't in the Manor, but rather in his own apartment. He had moved out a few months ago for the start of Sophomore year. Independence was a big deal for the raven-haired man, and now that he was finally in his own place – well, somewhat his own place. He payed split the rent in half with his roommate and childhood friend, Derek, but still! He was independent! Living on his own (sort of) without Bruce being a constant shadow over his shoulder. No more fancy parties where the phrase "smile and nod" was an effective way of pulling through the boring night.

And with independence, came the urge to do absolutely everything you've never been able to do before.

So, where does that leave our raven-haired friend?

Dick was sitting at the kitchen table, lazily moving his spoon back and forth around the half-empty bowl of Lucky Charms. The cereal part was really soggy by now, because Dick ate all of the marshmallows and now he didn't want to eat the rest. With a sigh, Dick pushed his now unappealing bowl of cereal far away and dropped his head to the table.

_'How the hell am I going to explain this to Derek?' _

"You look moodier than usual." an all-too-familiar—and equally annoying—voice called out. Dick, reluctantly, raised his head off the table to stare at his roommate. That same, shaggy brown hair was always in his hazel eyes. And that fucking cocky grin was still plastered proudly on the man's face though there was a toothbrush shoved in his mouth.

"Well when my roommate's as annoying as you are it's kind of hard to stay sane." the raven shot back and dropped his head onto the table again.

Derek raised an eyebrow at his friend's behavior before returning to the bathroom to spit out his toothpaste. A minute later and he was walking out of the bathroom clad in only a pair of sweatpants 'borrowed' from Dick's closet.

Dick raised his head. "Are those my sweatpants?"

"Yup," Derek replied calmly as he plopped onto the chair across from Dick's. "What's for breakfast?"

"I can't believe you raided my closet... again!"

"And I can't believe we only have fucking Lucky Charms to eat!" the brunette groaned loudly and patted his rumbling tummy. "A man as sexy as I am can't live on marshmallows and artificial grain for ever!"

"Get out of my pants, Derek!"

"Ooo, that sounded _so _fucking dirty, Dicky!"

Dick dropped his head back on the table again. "I fucking hate you..."

"No you don't. You find me soo irresistible." Derek flicked some of his hair out of his eyes and flashed Dick a toothy grin. "I can't blame you though. I mean really, if I could date myself I would..."

_'You know what... maybe I shouldn't tell Derek.' _Dick thought as he half-listened to his friend ramble on and on about how sexy he was and that, if Dick ever got that stick out of his ass, he'd totally fuck his brains out. He didn't know how the hell the conversation had turned for what he was having for breakfast to what sort of sex position Dick would probably enjoy the most, but the raven had decided that it was best to change the conversation's topic—and fast.

"Hey, Derek, before I'm tempted to shove my foot up your ass, can I ask you something?"

Derek didn't even look the least bit offended and flashed his best friend a thousand-watt smile. "Lay it on me, Dicky!"

"Don't call me that!" Dick snapped, though all Derek did was snicker... the bastard. "Can you be serious for five minutes here?" when the brunette made no indication, Dick just gave up and fired his question. "Hypothetically speaking—"

"Define 'Hypothetically'." Derek raised his hand as if he were a student in a classroom.

"You know, hypothetically. Like, as some sort of example or situation—wait, why am I explaining this to you?"

"Um, duh, Dicky! Because you asked me a question, and you want my serious opinion! I can't give you my serious opinion if I don't understand every single detail of the question, now can I?"

"Explain to me how the hell you passed English?" the raven dropped his head back onto the table and groaned loooudly. _Wrong person to ask hypothetical questions to.' _

"Simple: I cheated. But we're talking about _you _right now. So finish your question, Dicky!"

Dick begrudgingly raised his head again. "Okay, so hypothetically speaking..."

"Mhm."

"What if I were..."

"Yeahh...?"

"A superhero."

A brief pause. "A superhero...?" Derek cocked his head to the side and stared deeply at his friend. "Spandex or leggings?"

"Spandex." Dick replied automatically. "Wait! What's the difference?"

"Well if you're going to be a superhero, I'd like to imagine that you dress to kill!" the brunette had this faraway look on his face as he imagined his best friend clad in spandex that hugged _all _the right places... "Damn, you look hot, Dicky."

"I was speaking hypothetically here!" Dick groaned.

"So you're _not _a superhero?" Derek nearly whined. Well, there went his kinky midnight fantasies...

"Can I just finish my question, _please_?"

"You mean you weren't done?" the brunette asked, rather confused really.

It took all of Dick's willpower not to throw his spoon at his best friend's face.

"Sorry, sorry, continue! So hypothetically speaking you're a superhero, right?" Dick nodded. "Hmmm... then hypothetically speaking can I be the thief! Oh, Dicky, I could think of soo many flirty banters we can exchange!"

"Yeah, sure, fine. Be a fucking thief." Dick grounded out. He was getting absolutely nowhere with this foolishness. "Anyways! I'm a superhero. But let's say that one night on patrol... I bumped into someone."

"A hot looking thief with gorgeous brown hair?" Derek waggled his eyebrows.

"No. A man wearing an orange and black mask."

"Damn. Is he hot?"

"... Yeah."

"So you get to see the mystery behind the mask?"

"... Yeah."

"... Did you fuck him?"

"Yea—No!" the raven could feel his face heat up considerably at his friend's question and dropped his head back onto the table. "We just kissed..."

"Hypothetically, of course." Derek reminded him. What a good friend...

"Yeah... hypothetically." he muttered before lifting his head again. Damn, dropping his head against the table so many times was starting to fucking hurt. "But, this guy's a villain, right? And I'm a superhero. The two don't mix! It's like trying to put a square into a circular hole! It just won't fit. So... I need to know what to do. I really don't want to let him go..."

Though Derek seemed to be an idiot most of the time, the brunette was rather perceptive over many things. Like human body language and emotion. The way Dick's shoulders sagged and the sad sigh that escaped his lips signaled the brunette that maybe his best friend's question wasn't so hypothetical at all...

"Well, if you really want my opinion, here's what I'd tell you." Dick looked up to see his friend wink slyly. "Hypothetically, of course."

_'Damn... he's catching on, isn't he?' _

"If it were me. I wouldn't give a rat's ass whether it's wrong or not. You see. I've got this thing called a heart. And normally what it wants, it gets. And whenever it's denied of something, it gets really depressed. I like my heart. I like it a lot. Keeps me alive and shit. So I don't wanna run around Jump with a bleeding heart trapped inside a rib cage. I'd do what I want, and tell everyone to suck my left testicle. As long as I'm happy, everyone can just screw themselves." the brunette reclined back on his sit, tipping back so that the chair wobbled on it's too hind legs. "But that's just me. And this is _all _hypothetical of course."

Dick was stunned, really. Not so much that his best friend probably found out he wasn't so hypothetical. But more along the lines on how much Derek actually made... _sense_. He couldn't believe this was the same Derek that used to eat glue during lunch time sitting before him. Dick had half a mind to call out the imposter and demand where he took his real friend. But jeez, that boy made a hell of a lot of sense...

"Thanks, Derek." Dick said with a smile and leaned over the small table to give his friend a peck on the cheek. Nothing too uncommon between them.

"No problem, Dicky." the brunette couldn't help but chuckle watching a scowl mar his friend's face. "So, when are you going to show me this costume? Oh! You have to try it on for me! No, better yet. Just put on the spandex... Mmm, that would be _so _hot."

Chuckling, Dick shook his head slowly as he excused himself from the table. "I told you, Derek. That was all hypothetical."

The brunette pouted, though it didn't look like he actually believed Dick's words one bit. "So no spandex?"

Dick shook his head. "No spandex."

"Damn!" the brunette sighed and blew air up to blow away his bangs. "I guess I'll just have to by you some... I was thinking bright green. No! Even better... black! Your ass would look so fine in black spandex..."

The only reply he got from Dick was toast flung in his face. Well, at least it was buttered.

+Hypothetically Speaking+

"So, how did it go? I am judging by your smile that he took it rather well?" the familiar voice that seemed to send shivers dancing vividly up and down Dick's spine was calling out to the raven in the darkness. Unconsciously, Dick's feet led him to the origin of that voice, where he lover was casually reclined on his bed with a book in his hands.

"Yeah," the raven muttered as he climbed on the bed so he could snuggle with his lover, Slade. The man was rather muscular, with bulging biceps that could snap you like a twig, but still hold offer so much comfort when he was grasping onto Dick during their... 'activities'. "I should give him more credit. I think he found out I wasn't being hypothetical at all."

"Hmm," Slade hummed, and wrapped an arm around his little bird's shoulder. "And here I thought that friend of yours was an idiot..."

Dick chuckled softly and placed a chaste kiss on the man's lips. "Nah, he's still an idiot. But it's only because he _chooses _to be one."

"Ah, choice." Slade chuckled as he flung the book to some unknown corner and started to crawl ontop of his raven. "So many people are gifted with such a thing... while others are not..." he nipped at the boy's neck softly, his hands already working on removing Dick's nightshirt.

The raven mewled beneath his lover, his hands fumbling with pulling the shirt over Slade's head. Just when he was about to take it off, the door to his bedroom opened and an amused looking Derek was leaning against the doorframe.

"Hypothetically speaking my ass." Derek scoffed and folded his arms across his chest. He took the time to scan his best friend's 'hypothetical' man candy and gave a nod of approval. "You were right, he is hot. Introduce me to him when you're done, kay?" before Dick could open up his mouth, the door was slammed shut, leaving two stunned people in it's wake.

"That was... unexpected." Slade muttered, shaking his head slowly before he turned his full attention back to his lover. Dick was looking up at him with those devastatingly blue eyes that had the power to kill with just a simple glance. Slade couldn't resist. He leaned forward and tugged at the boy's bottom lip with his teeth.

Unfortunately, the door was slammed open again.

"Oh yeah! Don't forget to show me that sweet pair of spandex when you're done, Dicky!" Derek chimed, a cheeky grin on his face as he watched Dick give him the glare of death and his man candy do the same. Snickering, Derek shut the door fast enough before a pillow could connect with his face.

"Can I kill him?" the mercenary asked.

The raven shook his head and groaned, dropping his head on the man's shoulder. "Too messy... Damn it... the mood's gone."

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><p>So what do you guys think? ;o Was it okay for my first Sladin oneshot? (: I have others I'll probably post later on in the day... maybe...<p>

Hopefully we'll see each other again! Now I'm off to read Jayto's Happy Vacation? Agaaaaain. One of my favorite Sladin fics!


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